It is a strange paradox that we all want to be in control of our own destinies, and yet we hate having to make decisions.  Decisions are hard. We have to live by the consequences of them, and if they turn out to be the wrong ones, we can blame nobody but ourselves. That's why we really quite like to be told what to do. I don't mean having someone boss us around, but rather someone to take the heat off of us when it comes to decisions.

When we have few or no options, we moan about the fact that we are forced into a given situation, but when we have multiple options we moan about how difficult it is to reach a decision. Life is made easier when other people make decisions for us; and when we don't like them, it gives us a good excuse to have a good old moan.  Our lives are made considerably easier by decisions that are made for us; we don't have to choose which side of the road to drive on, or whether or not to stop at a red light. 

In my opinion, most decisions are relatively straight forward. We usually know which option we want to choose, we just want confirmation that it's the right thing to do. That's why we ask our friends for their opinion before we buy a pair of jeans, or a car, or a new TV.  We know what we want, we just want them to endorse our decision.

But then we have the truly difficult decisions. Do I take this job or that job? Do I go to this school or that school? These kinds of decisions have far-reaching implications that we can't even imagine. And in these situations we need to soul search.

A recent conversation with a young lady got me thinking. She's 29, and been married 6yrs, 3 of which have been unhappy.  She works full time, but her husband controls all the finances, and gives her a weekly allowance. She struggles to make ends meet, and often finds herself short.  Meanwhile, he frequently spends $500 on a new gun.  Is it fair? No. Is it pleasant? No. But here's the thing; she says that he lied about who he was and so feels that he is to blame for her being in an unhappy relationship. Fair point right? Well, hang on... now that she knows the truth about who he is, if she decides to stay, is it really still his fault? After all, she isn't a child, she can leave if she chooses. Chooses.  There it is again, that pesky decision; choosing.

In her case, I'm pretty sure that she would be happier on her own; I have no doubt in fact. But the short-term implications of leaving him are extremely difficult. She'd have to explain to her friends and family (all of whom think her life is great!) what went wrong. She'd have to find a new place to live on her own; and learn to budget for herself. Yes, the first few months would be tough.

But then there's this business that she'd like to start on her own. A future she can see for herself that is currently no more than a dream, but which could easily be a reality of only someone were to make that one difficult decision for her. She'd be free to explore her opportunities for herself and make the most of her skills and abilities.

Sometimes in life, we have to be honest with ourselves. We know what we want when we know the implications. Even when we don't we can often have a good idea. She knows that life without her husband will be perhaps less secure, but more fulfilling.  We sometimes make decisions based on what we think we ought to do, rather than what we want to do.  There's a place for every decision making criterion, but in the end, if we aren't happy with our choices, only we can change them.